December 17, 2017
These posts will be more sporadic than the ones in my last project. I'll be writing when I feel like writing instead of having it be constant. Maybe I'll do recaps towards the end of weeks or something.
So my dad told me today that yesterday, a group of my friends drove to my house and asked for me. My dad described them of being two girls and a guy, in a blue Honda. And, at first, when he told me that my friends had drove on over to ask for me, my mood did light up. In my mind I was like "Wow, they actually did care about me." The people he described, it seemed obvious that it was, you know who. You know the people.
He told them I was at work and wasn't home, evident by the car that I drive being missing from the driveway. I told my dad "Alright, I'll talk to them and ask if they did come on over and what they wanted." I felt good, pretty good. But then I thought about the blue Honda part and the circumstances of yesterday and well, I determined it wasn't the group of friends I thought it was, or more so, hoping was. None of them owned a blue Honda.
I figured it was most likely my other group of friends, of whom I scheduled to hangout with yesterday. And no, the scheduling wasn't official. Had I hung out with them, during that time, believe me, the mood would not have been good. I would bring, with myself, a whole lot of negativity. Which, I find currently, in my opinion, why others would rather not have me around or invite me to do anything.
Last night, as I was on the Venmo app to pay back my friend for the Lousi the Child ticket, I accidentally swiped over to the "friends" section and of course, I see two people who do not care, do hate me, with their Venmo post of them paying each other for ramen. And this brings me EXACTLY back to maybe, June or July of this year. I was excluded from this exact thing, and not just once or twice, but multiple times.
And when one of 'em finally messaged me out of the blue, after a long period of nothingness, asking if I was going to a a local concert, of which I was originally planning to go to but did not because nobody else was going, I jumped on it immediately and bought my ticket with a seat right next to 'em. Didn't even hesitate.
Multiple times, I've asked to hangout. And all those times resulted with, well, nothing. But of course, when another person asks them "Hey. let's go get some ramen," they agree to it. Even on fucking- oh my god. I've slowly, and have now, disconnected and deactivated all forms of social media, because of this. Facebook is so useless. If I wanted to see pictures, I'd go to Instagram. So, I deleted that. But hey, with Facebook, comes Messenger, and you'd use that to contact people right? Well, all the messages on there are just remnants and reminders of horrible times. It's essentially a history log of all the foolish things I've said and received, so, I deleted that too.
Then came Snapchat. Streaks are, really are, the most ridiculous facade to staying in minor contact with those you barely interact with. And most importantly, besides Facebook, it is, also mainly used for bragging. Oh hey, check out how fun I'm having, at this location, with these people. I don't want to see that. So, I never check people's stories anymore, I've asked others not to include me in their stories, and I've also ended all my streaks.
Instagram, as well as all the other forms of social media I listed already, is for bragging. I deactivated my main account, since I do not post anything, nor do I want to see others, or more so, people I know, people that don't care about me, people who hate me, post anything. I do not want to be reminded of them. I thought I would be safe on my secondary account, not even posting anything, deleted all my past posts, and messaging only the small few who I could confide with. Not even confide, more so just, small-talk with. Like, I message them once a day, they get back to me the next day, I message again, the cycle continues.
People, who I did not want to associate with (because they don't want to associate with me), continued to pop up here and there, usually through the "suggested" sections and whatever. I, of course, scrolled past all that. It got to a point, however, where, I did not feel safe, even with the minimal contact that was established. And so, I had to deactivated that account as well, and now, really all I have is a third Instagram account, to look at funny pictures, 'cause of course I can't get enough of 'em. And uh, yeah that's pretty much why I still use Instagram. As for messaging, I just use SMS now. Just, straight and to the point. I want basic messaging, I use SMS.
So my dad told me today that yesterday, a group of my friends drove to my house and asked for me. My dad described them of being two girls and a guy, in a blue Honda. And, at first, when he told me that my friends had drove on over to ask for me, my mood did light up. In my mind I was like "Wow, they actually did care about me." The people he described, it seemed obvious that it was, you know who. You know the people.
He told them I was at work and wasn't home, evident by the car that I drive being missing from the driveway. I told my dad "Alright, I'll talk to them and ask if they did come on over and what they wanted." I felt good, pretty good. But then I thought about the blue Honda part and the circumstances of yesterday and well, I determined it wasn't the group of friends I thought it was, or more so, hoping was. None of them owned a blue Honda.
I figured it was most likely my other group of friends, of whom I scheduled to hangout with yesterday. And no, the scheduling wasn't official. Had I hung out with them, during that time, believe me, the mood would not have been good. I would bring, with myself, a whole lot of negativity. Which, I find currently, in my opinion, why others would rather not have me around or invite me to do anything.
Last night, as I was on the Venmo app to pay back my friend for the Lousi the Child ticket, I accidentally swiped over to the "friends" section and of course, I see two people who do not care, do hate me, with their Venmo post of them paying each other for ramen. And this brings me EXACTLY back to maybe, June or July of this year. I was excluded from this exact thing, and not just once or twice, but multiple times.
And when one of 'em finally messaged me out of the blue, after a long period of nothingness, asking if I was going to a a local concert, of which I was originally planning to go to but did not because nobody else was going, I jumped on it immediately and bought my ticket with a seat right next to 'em. Didn't even hesitate.
Multiple times, I've asked to hangout. And all those times resulted with, well, nothing. But of course, when another person asks them "Hey. let's go get some ramen," they agree to it. Even on fucking- oh my god. I've slowly, and have now, disconnected and deactivated all forms of social media, because of this. Facebook is so useless. If I wanted to see pictures, I'd go to Instagram. So, I deleted that. But hey, with Facebook, comes Messenger, and you'd use that to contact people right? Well, all the messages on there are just remnants and reminders of horrible times. It's essentially a history log of all the foolish things I've said and received, so, I deleted that too.
Then came Snapchat. Streaks are, really are, the most ridiculous facade to staying in minor contact with those you barely interact with. And most importantly, besides Facebook, it is, also mainly used for bragging. Oh hey, check out how fun I'm having, at this location, with these people. I don't want to see that. So, I never check people's stories anymore, I've asked others not to include me in their stories, and I've also ended all my streaks.
Instagram, as well as all the other forms of social media I listed already, is for bragging. I deactivated my main account, since I do not post anything, nor do I want to see others, or more so, people I know, people that don't care about me, people who hate me, post anything. I do not want to be reminded of them. I thought I would be safe on my secondary account, not even posting anything, deleted all my past posts, and messaging only the small few who I could confide with. Not even confide, more so just, small-talk with. Like, I message them once a day, they get back to me the next day, I message again, the cycle continues.
People, who I did not want to associate with (because they don't want to associate with me), continued to pop up here and there, usually through the "suggested" sections and whatever. I, of course, scrolled past all that. It got to a point, however, where, I did not feel safe, even with the minimal contact that was established. And so, I had to deactivated that account as well, and now, really all I have is a third Instagram account, to look at funny pictures, 'cause of course I can't get enough of 'em. And uh, yeah that's pretty much why I still use Instagram. As for messaging, I just use SMS now. Just, straight and to the point. I want basic messaging, I use SMS.
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